Still Waiting

So it has officially been 30 days since I got made redundant from a company I worked kind of hard for, after 13 years. It was sad to leave, I actually believed in what the values and culture until it got fucked by a management team that dropped the ball. That’s life however, and luckily even though the severance package was not great at all, had some flexibility and time. Plenty of time I thought, plenty to relax, find a job and a seamless transition and with some little pocket money in the bank. Boy how wrong was I!

It has been now around 4 months since I have faced a wall of silence everyday from recruiters, recruitment agencies and companies. All kinds of thoughts went through my mind, am I really crap and I’ve been fooling myself? Is my CV not up to scratch? Am I visible? Maybe its my name, not exactly the best considering the atrocities that are happening. I tackled each and every one, sought advice, fixed where I could, told to be patient, and to keep at it. It will come. It will come. IT. WILL. COME. Bullshit.

 

With no hint of an opportunities forthcoming despite applying everyday, I woke up one morning and thought…. this shit just got real. Money will be gone soon, debt is piling up way more than I can cope with under a salary, a son who is needs me, a partner who I can’t let down, a mother to support, house to maintain and every other mundane thing that needs paying for, come on guys please I need a full time job, temp job, contract, lower paid job. No? Nothing? Overqualified? Under qualified? Seriously?! Fuck you then. I decided I am fed up with having others in control of my destiny.

I sat down at my desk, which felt like an age, got my notepad out and started to write. Anything and everything that came into my mind. Just kept writing, words to describe myself, ideas, things I’m passionate about, connecting things to the last word, I wrote and wrote. Timetable, routine, yes I needed that. Education. What skills can I learn now. I wrote and wrote. Entrepreneur, do I have what it takes? Am I? I personally don’t think I am. Self doubt, lazy. Getting off track, stopped writing. Getting focus again, I wrote and wrote. 

God it gelt good. Writing. Thinking. Getting the creative juices flowing as the popular saying goes. But this is Project Get Life Back Together not write some shitty words and then sit back. It was then I realised what I’ve always known but been too lazy to do…move forward. So where am I now? Three items where I now need to deep dive into and do what? Yes, move forward.